What goes around comes around, and bites you from behind

It was a great get. The CEO of Microsoft agreed to speak at the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing conference as their first male plenary speaker. He ran around talking to people, and then did an onstage interview.

Photo: OFFICIAL LEWEB PHOTOS. https://www.flickr.com/photos/86704644@N00/11315186824 Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

Satya Nadella. Difference Feminist?

This was not a hostile interview, not a “Gotcha!” situation. Satya Nadella would be interviewed by his pal (“I adore this guy!”) Maria [Klawe], who could help him showcase the fabulous things Microsoft does for women in tech (“He’s a spectacular human being!”).

“Here’s how I got him to come,” Klawe said, kneeling and clasping her hands pleadingly. Klawe is president of Harvey Mudd College, so she has practice being persuasive. She told him “If you do this, Satya, you’ll gonna enable your recruiters to recruit women at all stages, because you’ll be the first CEO to do it!”

Since it was an interview, he wouldn’t have to prepare a speech. Though in my opinion he might still have done a little preparation. Familiarized himself with a few relevant issues.

Continue reading

Posted in Bad Apologies, Corporate Apologies | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You’re welcome to watch and cheer for us

screen grab

I take a different view.

An August evening in a small public park in San Francisco’s Mission District. Neighborhood kids playing soccer. A group showed up, saying they had reserved the field for an hour, from 7 till 8pm. They looked like prosperous white guys, an impression their tech-company Tshirts did not dispel.

The reaction was negative, a bit raucous, and caught on video, by someone who knew there’d be pushback. The video begins with a sotto voce intro: “6:55. Homies are playing. They’re waiting for the field at 7. It’s about to go down.”

“They” – soon to become widely known as the “tech bros” – wanted people off the field so they could play. (They were trying to have a Dropbox-versus-Airbnb game, but they were wise enough not to say so.)

Continue reading

Posted in Bad Apologies, Corporate Apologies, Social Media Apologies, Twitpologies | 2 Comments

Bono is sorry he shared his genius with or without you consenting to it

Bono is shocked that he has to apologize for his art.

Bono is shocked that he has to apologize for his art.

U2 did a Q&A on their Facebook page.

One fan asked: “Can you please never release an album on iTunes that automatically downloads to people’s playlists ever again? It’s really rude.”

Bono’s response (transcribed from Rolling Stone because I cannot listen to Bono talk unless I’m pretending it’s Ben Stiller doing a Bono impression): Continue reading

Posted in Celebrity Apologies, Musical Apologies, Sorry If | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

No, No, Nancy

Last night on NBC News, Brian Williams read aloud a non-apology from Nancy Snyderman, the network’s medical correspondent, who violated the terms of her quarantine after a photographer for her team in Liberia contracted ebola.

My pocket square is purely decorative; it's not to sneeze ebola into.

My pocket square is purely decorative; it’s not to sneeze ebola into.

Continue reading

Posted in Bad Apologies, Celebrity Apologies, Media Apologies, Medical apologies, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Harmless? That stuff can lead to gumbo!

Photo: Sphl. GFDL, CC-BY-SA-2.1-JP

Okra. (Abelmoschus esculentus.) Interesting question – Actually, I DON’T know what happens if you smoke it.

There was a helicopter hovering low above Dwayne Perry’s house. Really low.

It woke him up, and then there were sheriff’s deputies at the door. With a canine unit. The deputies were heavily armed – “strapped to the gills,” says Perry.

Like heat-seeking missiles, they headed for his yard. No way to hide it – Perry was growing okra.

Continue reading

Posted in Bad Apologies, Police Apologies, Shrieval Apologies, Sorry If | 3 Comments

She came at me with bourbon, I regret to say

Screen grab of Mark Fuller.

Probably about to be single again.

Back in 2012 Mark Fuller, a U.S. District Court judge in Alabama, and Lisa Boyd Fuller were divorcing. Lisa Boyd Fuller had some things she wanted mentioned, like domestic violence, substance abuse, drunk driving, and affairs, particularly one with his court’s bailiff, Kelli Gregg.

What was said on these matters is unclear, since Fuller got the circuit court to seal the records, saying it was for the safety of his family. Boyd Fuller objected, saying her soon-to-be ex “was guilty of marital misconduct and is attempting to shield himself from… public scrutiny.” She got nowhere with that.

Continue reading

Posted in Judicial Apologies, Non-apologies | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

We are very very sorry for putting you to death for being a witch

Via i09, A Real-Life Letter of Apology Written by Members of Salem Witch Trial Juries.

Meh. Doesn’t fully take responsibility. WE WERE DELUDED, WE HAD NO CLUE… whatever, Puritans.

Posted in Historical Apologies | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

It’s sexism clobberin’ time!

Word Girl and Captain Huggy Face hate sexism!

Word Girl and Captain Huggy Face hate sexism!

Peter V. Brett, a fantasy novelist and dad, got a superhero board game for 6-year-old daughter Cassie. As he wrote on his blog, he was gobsmacked to learn that in a children’s game about DC superheroes and supervillains, made by the established game company Wonder Forge, there were ZERO female characters. Not even Wonder Woman.

“What girl can I be?” Cassie asked, digging through the game pieces.

“I don’t think there are any girls, sweetie,” I said, anger building in me. Cause really, DC & Wonderforge? WTF? You know it’s 2014, right?

Cassie put down the game pieces. “I don’t want to play this, then.” She turned and moved to leave the room, and it broke my heart.

Continue reading

Posted in Business Apologies | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Good bread, good meat, nice discount, let’s eat

Painting: Jozef van Aken. Public domain.

Note faux-reverent cat, lower left.

This apology came from Freethought Today, newspaper of the Freedom From Religion Foundation. FFRF’s legal team writes a lot of letters to city governments, schools, senior centers, and other organizations, reminding them about laws that govern the separation of church and state.

You can’t force the football team to pray to Jesus. You can’t refuse to let atheists give invocations at the Town Board meeting. You can’t make the old people hold hands and pray before meals. If the students have to watch an anti-bullying video, you need to get one that doesn’t promote the Mormon church. No, the mayor can’t throw people out of a public meeting if they don’t stand up for a prayer.

We can’t do that? Egad.

Continue reading

Posted in Business Apologies | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Thirteen ways of looking at a cynical apology

With apologies to Wallace Stevens.

blackbird copy
ferguson

I

Note that Ferguson Police Chief Thomas Jackson is wearing a red polo shirt instead of the uniform of his office. He’s not apologizing as the representative of the police force; he’s just a guy. In a polo shirt.

Among hundreds of uniform- and riot-gear-clad men,
The only red thing
Was the grandfatherly, faded, soft-collared shirt.

Continue reading

Posted in Bad Apologies, Government Apologies, Institutional Apologies, Police Apologies, Political Apologies, Showpologies, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments