Self-improvement via self-hatred!

golds-gym-pear-2016 copyA Gold’s gym franchise advertised with a nicely-produced social media post. It featured a photo of an elegant pear (Bartlett, I think) with the caption “THIS IS NO SHAPE FOR A GIRL”.

What great salesmanship! The customer is always contemptible! I’m surprised they didn’t just go for broke and use a photo of a TUB OF LARD.

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Posted in Bad Apologies, Business Apologies, Corporate Apologies, Social Media Apologies | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

“I’m sorry that you are so misinformed”

“I’m sorry that you are so misinformed”  is not an apology. So responding to it with, “No, I am CORRECT!” is acceptable.

(I thought I was a good ranter but dang, Charles Blow puts me to SHAME. This is five minutes and 31 seconds of superlative television.)

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Believe it or not

Maybe headline writers are starting to catch on to the difference between apologies and hand-waving about “regrets.” With Donald Trump’s help.

Photo: Emilio Labrador. https://www.flickr.com/photos/3059349393/6866575323/ Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

No comment. Politically correct words fail me.

Just starting to. Trump’s recent remarks about unspecified regrets for unspecified remarks were not headlined an apology by the New York Times, which titled a story on the speech, “Trump Steps Out of Character to Voice Unexplained Regrets.” Although the story did refer to it as a “display of contrition,” which – not really. No.

A Washington Post headline ran “Trump voices regret for causing ‘personal pain’.”

But ABC News stupidly went with “Trump Apologizes for Words on Campaign Trail, Says ‘I Will Never Lie to You.’”

And silly Fox News chose “The art of the apology: Trump issues uncharacteristic mea culpa.”

Newsweek still gets it wrong: “Donald Trump says he’s sorry.”

He did not say he’s sorry. He did not apologize. And most people weren’t fooled by the apology-scented air freshener.

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Jeah we’re tackling Ryan Lochte

It is a busy day at SorryWatch HQ, so a quick look at Ryan’s “candid and careful” (mmmphhhh) “apology” (ahahahahahahaha) appears on SorryWatch’s Facebook page, which you should follow for short takes on apologies that do not warrant extensive analysis. Like if, say, they are DUMB AS A BAG OF HAIR.

Posted in Apologies and the Law, Bad Apologies, Bropology, Sports Apologies, Youth apologizes | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Daily Beast, please take an apology class from Autostraddle

schmuck, media outlet

schmuck, media outlet

Hello, Daily Beast! We of the Internetz have short memories. Yet we of SorryWatch would like everyone to NEVER FORGET how terrible your recent apology for your life-threatening homophobic clickbait-y idiocy was. Now we will point you to another web site that issued an apology for displaying privileged cluelessness, and did so much, much better than you did.

Take a picture, Daily Beast, it’ll last longer. Sit down. Have a snack.

On Tuesday, Autostraddle ran a review of the sophisticated drawing-room comedy Sausage Party. A freelance critic pitched the site, which focuses on lesbian and bisexual women’s issues, a feature that approvingly discussed Salma Hayek’s portrayal of a queer Latina taco.

Salma Hayek, sexy taco

sexy bisexual taco, Salma Hayek

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This booger-related apology is better than The Daily Beast’s Olympic apology

I have no context for this note, but does it really need context?

boogerapology

Why Riley’s Apology Note Is Better Than The Daily Beast’s Apology Note

  1. Simplicity. There’s no talk about Riley’s noble tradition of standing up to bullies, being a supportive voice of the LGBT community, or marching at the forefront of journalistic integrity. No, this is just about a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to put a booger on him.
  2. Actually, this might be about might be a girl, standing in front of another girl, asking her to put a booger on her. Riley is a gender-neutral name. THE DAILY BEAST FAILED TO DISPLAY GENDER-NEUTRAL COVERAGE and instead published an entire feature about men seeking sex with other men.
  3. Unlike The Daily Beast, Riley offers reparations. Here is the booger. An eye for an eye.
  4. Warmth. Riley concludes the note with “love” rather than with defensiveness.

Play-by-play Head-to-Head Apology Analysis from Senior Apology Correspondent Snarly: 

Neither Riley nor The Daily Beast offers an explanation for the initial offense, and neither explains precisely how they will ensure that it does not happen again. But because Riley’s tone is less self-justifying, defensive, self-aggrandizing, faux-heroic, and because Riley is more direct and does a far better job owning the sin (their note does not use the term “inadvertently,” though Riley certainly could have said, “Although I chased you with my booger, I never assumed you thought I’d smear it on you, because it was a JOKE, Ciara, A JOKE — but since you inadvertently and mistakenly thought that was my aim and you misunderstood my intentions, that is on me, and though I am not the decider I am the owner of the finger in question, and mistakes were made,” Riley DID NOT SAY THAT. Riley simply apologized in a way that sounds straightforward and sincere and has thoughtfully gone the extra mile of providing a way to make things right.

Final Score: Riley 1, Daily Beast 0. 

Posted in Literary Apologies, Youth apologizes | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Try again, Daily Beast.

Quick summary of the story before we get to analyzing the apology: On Thursday morning, The Daily Beast put up a story in which a straight, married journalist named Nico Hines used mobile dating apps to see if he could hook up with athletes in Rio. (The original URL for the piece ended in “i-got-three-grindr-dates-in-an-hour-in-the-olympic-village” — mazel tov to you, you self-congratulatory troll, and rest assured that the REST of the URL, “which-means-three-dudes-apparently-wanted-to-hook-up-with-me-before-learning-my-true-identity-as-a-sensationalist-entitled-lying-entrapping-douchecanoe” may be invisible, but WE CAN SEE IT.) Hines could have written about women looking to play, which ALSO OCCURS in an emotionally wound up location filled with young healthy humans in peak condition, but naw, he sniggeringly focused on dudes seeking dudes. He also provided a huge amount of identifying detail, enough so that a Slate journalist identified five of his victims in a few minutes of Googling. And as we know, once it’s on the Internet, it’s forever. Many gay athletes from homophobic countries are closeted for a reason. They and their families could be punished; they could lose their careers; they could go to jail or be assaulted or worse.

The Daily Beast took a few cracks at an apology. All of them suck. LET’S DIVE IN. Continue reading

Posted in Bad Apologies, Media Apologies, Sorry If | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Reporter fires from hip, hits own foot

Photo: Dave Sizer. https://www.flickr.com/photos/aphid00/4516660509 Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

Ichiro playing for the Mariners, 2010.

SorryWatch loves Ichiro Suzuki and even owns a pair of Ichiro socks (thanks, Vard!), so of course we were amazed someone found a mean thing to say when Ichiro got his 3,000th hit in US Major League Baseball. Someone in the sports business. Todd Grisham, now known to SorryWatch as a fool.

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quick look at a superb apology

Australian Ron Burgundy

Not Australian Ron Burgundy

Thanks to our friends on The Well for pointing us to this one:

Australian Today Show presenter Karl Stefanovic, engaged in the dippy banter endemic to morning TV hosts, made jokes about “trannies” on the beach in Rio. The next day, he apologized on air, for three minutes. Lo and behold, he did well.

Watch the whole thing at 9news.com.au, but here’s the highlight reel: Continue reading

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Have you listened to your own laugh?

Photo: Budgiekiller/The Rambling Man. Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5 Generic license.

Spotted hyena and children, taking the high road.

The Heckler, a sports website with a satirical take, owned by TBS, is branching out to non-sports topics. Recently they thought it would be funny to compare a female political candidate to a despised animal.

They should’ve stayed with sports instead of making and tweeting a 24-second video comparing Hillary Clinton’s laughter to the so-called “laughing” of hyenas. Which they labeled, “Move over Donkey! There’s a new mascot in town. Via @thehecklertbs #I’mWithHyena.”

How do people think of stuff like this after the age of nine?

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