God give me one funny moment. For revenge

Photo: U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Eric Summers Jr. Public domain.

Tiffany Haddish cracking troops up in Incirlik, Turkey.

SorryWatch just read The Last Black Unicorn, by Tiffany Haddish. Loved it.

She published it through Book In a Box, a company started by Tucker Max, an author, speaker, and professional drunken bro. The company helps people publish books. SorryWatch doesn’t much care, though some people have made a thing about it because Tucker Max. Whatever. It’s in Haddish’s voice, and that’s what matters.

Haddish mentions some apologies made to her. These were for some ugly insults early in her comedy career. You probably shouldn’t make an enemy of Haddish, but she seems like a fan of apologies.

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Somebody help my cow

Maybe you thought you’d escape political and social issues by turning to the latest issue of Bovine Medicine. Practical, science-based information about medical aspects of cow-calf operations, mastitis, job opportunities for bovine veterinarians – useful and soothing, no?

Not necessarily.

Photo: Dave from Leicester, UK. Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.

Common English words for one bovid designate sex because we focus on whether we can get milk from them. (English Longhorn.)

Sure, that kind of stuff is there. Also “Drivers of Direction,” an economic analysis of the recent AABP (American Association of Bovine Practitioners) study on factors that affect career decisions. Factors other than pay. In other words, why do people graduating from vet school decide to become – or not to become – doctors for cattle?

The pay for “food-animal practitioners” tends to be good, better than other areas of vet medicine. What else could there be besides money? Huh, what do the experts say?

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Posted in Bad Apologies, Good apologies, Institutional Apologies | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Sorry I didn’t read your book

Image: James Montgomery Flagg. Public domain.

I didn’t read your article. I never read civilian literature.

On “Fresh Air,” Terry Gross was talking to the co-writers and co-directors of Coco, Adrian Molina and Lee Unkrich. Setting up a question about how to make a “child-friendly” movie about death, she began, “Now, this is a family film. Adults are supposed to bring children to this film, though you don’t need children to enjoy the film as an adult….”

Unkrich jumped on it. “I’m glad you said… you don’t have to have kids with you to go see the movie, because I can’t tell you how many people have said to me, ‘oh, I haven’t seen your film yet because I haven’t been able to find kids to take with me.’ …That’s like my biggest pet peeve is that people somehow think that we’re making kids’ movies and that they’re embarrassed to go see the movies [without] kids. I just want to pull my hair out.”

Yes. And that is why so many filmmakers/writers/journalists have those sporty bald patches.

Say you meet someone who has a new movie/book/performance piece. You haven’t seen it or read it, and you feel bad about that. Maybe you meant to.

Do not apologize. “Sorry I didn’t read your book” contains the words “I didn’t read your book.” Which is fine, actually, but WHY SAY THAT.

What you should say is “Congratulations on your book!” Or “Your movie is out! That’s fantastic!” “It’s so great they’re showing your ceramics at the museum!”


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Tune in for action! Suspense! Personal sagas! Ignorant national stereotypes!

Photographer unknown. Scanned by Abasaa. Public domain.

Japanese troops leaving Korea in 1945, under admiring gazes of local residents.

NBC just fired Joshua Cooper Ramo, whom they’d hired to do analysis for the Olympics.

These winter Olympics are being held in South Korea. During the opening ceremonies, Ramo commented that from 1910 to 1945, Korea was occupied by Japan, “but every Korean will tell you that Japan is a cultural, technological and economic example that has been so important to their own transformation,” he added.

What? NO. Not according to this petition signed by thousands of South Koreans, which reads in part, “Any reasonable person familiar with the history of Japanese imperialism, and the atrocities it committed before and during World War II, would find such statement deeply hurtful and outrageous…. And… no South Korean would attribute the rapid growth and transformation of its economy, technology, and political/cultural development to the Japanese imperialism.”

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Posted in Bad Apologies, Celebrity Apologies, Corporate Apologies, Media Apologies | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

We love a good hostile apology song

SorryWatch reader Pablo pointed us toward this wonderful song by Christine Lavin, “Regretting What I Said to You When You Called Me at Eleven O’Clock on a Friday Morning to Tell Me That at One O’Clock Friday Afternoon You’re Gonna Leave Your Office, Go Downstairs, Hail a Cab to Go out to the Airport to Catch a Plane to Go Skiing in the Alps for Two Weeks.”

It’s not a bad apology! She doesn’t say she’s sorry for “what I said” — she TELLS the apologizee she recalls exactly what she said and why it was, uh, overkill. She says she’s sorry for her hyperbole, but not for her anger. (“I don’t really want to see you dismembered by the marijuana-sniffing dogs when a simple little nipping would suffice.”)


Posted in Musical Apologies | Tagged | 3 Comments


Oh hush, Piers Morgan.

Your old pal Donald has not “publicly apologized.” Nor was there any “stunning admission” of wrongness. I’m so annoyed I made the headline all-caps. HOW DARE YOU.  Continue reading

Posted in Non-apologies, Political Apologies, Presidential Apologies, Sorry If | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

A very vintage, very cretinous apology song!

not so much.

Whispering Jack Smith, (born Jacob Schmidt in the Bronx at the end of the 19th century) didn’t really whisper. He spoke-sung with a gentle, quiet, breathy cadence that he blamed on inhaling poison gas during his heroic WWI service on the battlefields of France. Good story! Actually, he was totally capable of belting, but he did really serve in the Great War, and who doesn’t love a good story and a memorable nickname? Whispering Jack’s soft, airy, talky-sing-y vibe was probably more a tribute to the development of the microphone in 1925 than to any need to whisper; it also helped distinguish him from the loud, raucous, vaudeville pack. His big hits were “Baby Face,” “Gimme a Little Kiss, Will Ya, Huh?” and “Me and My Shadow.”  He also appeared in an early Hollywood musical, 1930’s Cheer Up and Smile.

But we are here to talk about “Are You Sorry?” his popular apology number. And oh, Jack, no!  Continue reading

Posted in Musical Apologies | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

20! Think about 20! Don’t think about 17!

Highpoint Church/YouTube.

It was 20 years ago.

The Washington Post headline: “A pastor admitted a past sexual incident with a teen. His congregation gave him a standing ovation.” Others also focused on the applause. “Pastor admits to ‘sexual incident’ with teen 20 years ago, gets standing ovation” said CBS News. Newsweek also headlined the applause, calling it a “bizarre response.”

That sounded peculiar. The stories said the pastor had apologized. So SorryWatch bravely viewed the entire hour-and-17-minute YouTube video of the service in question, praise songs and all. It began to make more sense. The congregation didn’t get the whole story.

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Posted in Apologies Not Accepted, Bad Apologies, Religious Apologies | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Woody Allen sorry/not sorry roundup

In 1993, Woody Allen was publicly accused of sexually assaulting his daughter, Dylan Farrow, when she was seven. (At the time, a psychiatrist sided with Allen; a judge sided with Dylan, Mia, and Ronan Farrow; and a prosector said there was evidence to proceed with criminal charges but declined to file them to “spare Dylan.”)

Last month, Dylan wrote a piece for the LA Times questioning how actors who are purportedly all-in on #metoo could justify working with Allen. She specifically named Kate Winslet, who was quick to call out the “gross misconduct of one of our most important and well-regarded film producers” (that would be Harvey Weinstein) but said of Allen, “I don’t know anything about that family. As the actor in the film [Wonder Wheel, which is now playing but I know nothing about because suck it Woody Allen and also you haven’t actually made a good movie since Hannah and Her Sisters] you just have to step away and say, I don’t know anything, really, and whether any of it is true or false…Woody Allen is an incredible director.” Farrow named Blake Lively, who said of Weinstein, “It’s important that we don’t stand for this…[t]his is unacceptable,” but of Allen, whom she repeatedly defended during and after the making of Cafe Society in 2016, she said, “It’s very dangerous to factor in things you don’t know anything about.” And Farrow named Greta Gerwig, who called the revelations about Weinstein “heartbreaking” and “overdue,” but when asked directly about working with Allen on To Rome With Love in 2012, said “You know…I think I’m living in that space of fear of being worried about how I talk about it and what I say.” Of course you are.

Farrow had written an earlier piece for the New York Times in 2014, detailing her story and asking, “What if it had been your child, Cate Blanchett? Louis CK? Alec Baldwin? What if it had been you, Emma Stone? Or you, Scarlett Johansson? You knew me when I was a little girl, Diane Keaton. Have you forgotten me?” Continue reading

Posted in Celebrity Apologies, Good apologies, Non-apologies | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments



Comedian Paul Scheer — you know his face even if you’re “buh?” on his name — is one of those Upright Citizens Brigade (UCB) guys who’s guest-starred in everything: The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Veep, Fresh Off the Boat, Parks and Rec, Party Down, Funny Or Die, Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp and Ten Years Later, Drunk History (Carl Sagan!) and he was the voice of the rhino in Kung Fu Panda. Also he was in The Disaster Artist, so maybe if he has James Franco’s number he can call and give him some pointers for the (probably shitty) apology we know is coming.

This guy.

ANYHOO. Scheer’s mea culpa. On Twitter. Is superb. The thread starts here: Continue reading

Posted in Funny-on-Purpose Apologies, Good apologies, Literary Apologies, Social Media Apologies, Twitpologies | Tagged , , , , , | 7 Comments