But you’re my mother

In Nadja Spiegelman‘s memoir, I’m Supposed to Protect You from All This, she recounts a curious episode from her youth. (SorryWatch is focusing on apology here and will leave aside our admiration for the work of the writer’s parents, Françoise Mouly and Art Spiegelman.)

In high school Spiegelman had issues with her weight, and more particularly with her mother’s issues about Spiegelman’s weight. Her mother would buy snacks that Spiegelman’s brother was allowed to eat and Spiegelman was not. She’d announce she was hiding the snacks from Spiegelman. “They’re not for you, You don’t need them. Okay?”

“Okay,” the sullen Spiegelman said. Wanting only for the conversation to stop. The ‘hiding’ was a formality. Spiegelman knew perfectly well what cupboard they were in. (Cookies, chips, jerky, fruit leather.)

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Dear Evan Hansen

I haven’t yet seen this highly regarded musical. It’s apparently about being Canadian.

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Sorry we assigned a racist to review your book

Inside Higher Education has an excellent account of a horrible decision made by an academic journal…and the journal’s attempt to make things right. Read the whole tale there.

Noted professor Wile E. Coyote, preparing to write a totally unbiased review of a book about roadrunners.

The (sorta?) short version: Continue reading

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Why Won’t You Apologize? (At least for the DAMN BANANAS?)

Recommended.

Psychologist Harriet Lerner, who wrote the landmark Dance of Anger, praised as “one of the first books written about women’s anger,” has a new book out. SorryWatch read Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts with interest, pleasure, and seething jealousy.

SorryWatch is jealous, because as a therapist, Lerner has people telling her all about apologies they got that left them still feeling bad, apologies they never got, apologies they dream of getting, or apologies they made that weren’t accepted for some weird reason – and sometimes coaches people through making a truly good apology. Then (with their permission and the use of pseudonyms) she gets to write about it. Whereas SorryWatch too often has to rely on stories reported by others who often don’t grasp apology nuance.

Though sometimes Lerner has to give bad news. Like ‘the apology you want will probably not be coming.’

Lerner is also willing to tell brave, candid stories on herself, like the infamous Banana Incident.

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Posted in Accepting apologies, Belated Apologies, Good apologies, Personal Apologies, SorryWatch Reads | 9 Comments

Mean, stupid, and scary

You might have heard: UNITED flight from Chicago to Louisville, full up! UNITED suddenly wants to put four employees on the flight. Any volunteers to take a later flight? Some, but not enough!

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We’ll be reviewing why everyone hates us now.

Somehow select 69-year-old passenger, order him off. He refuses to give up his seat! Says he is doctor who needs to get to Louisville to treat patients. Goons grab him, drag him down the aisle & off plane! Banging face into armrest! Shrieking and bleeding from dragged man! Shrieking and recording from other passengers!

MASSIVE OUTRAGE on social media. (Diversionary tactic by current administration, tired of hearing criticisms, no matter how justified? Naah. Just a lucky break.)

Was there apology?

Of a kind. Of a worthless kind. No, worse than worthless. The kind of apology that infuriates.

[Sumac: I know u r busy w Passover prep, but any chance u can get this? Snarly: Can’t, so so crazed!]

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Not your average bonsai

Facebook

The juniper everybody wants.

The botanical gardens at the University of North Carolina’s Charlotte campus cover ten acres – that’s a lot of plants, so they probably can’t keep track of them all and wouldn’t miss one puny shrub that would look fantabulous on the grounds of SorryWatch Park. Right?

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Pepsi’s statement about That Ad

You know the one. Pepsi has pulled it from YouTube, but as of this writing you can still see it on AdAge’s site. The ad Dr. Martin Luther King’s daughter Bernice responded to thusly.

Here is Pepsi’s apology: Continue reading

Posted in Corporate Apologies, Media Apologies, Social Media Apologies | Tagged , | 5 Comments

Don’t we need a nice apology story right now?

I  think we do.

Thanks to SorryWatch’s Senior Starbucks Correspondent Ernie for sharing this one, via ABC News. (Warning: Video autoplay at the link.)

Mise-en-scène: Andrew Richardson, 20, is staffing the Starbucks drive-through window in Bishop, CA. A lady buys several beverages but is then informed that the shop is out of drink carriers. “She was a touch frustrated, like anyone would be,” Richardson recalls. She asks Richardson if he can throw out some trash she had in the car, and he says he cannot, as this is a health code violation. “She then became a bit more frustrated, but nothing that I would perceive as rudeness,” Richardson recalls. “At worst, she was playfully sassy. I really didn’t think too much of it.” Richardson notes that in customer service, one deals with entitled satanic hosebags [Note: I paraphrase] all the time, and this lady did not even place.

The next day, the lady comes by, sees Richardson, and apologizes! Amazing! They chat a bit and Richardson feels awesome because getting an apology from a customer “doesn’t happen much.” BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE. She hands him a card and walks away. In the card is $20 and a letter of apology.

Can you read it? It says:

Greetings, Starbucks barista!

Yesterday at your drive-through we had a less-than-cheerful encounter at no fault of yours. You were out of carriers and said you could not take my empty cup (trash). I was less than understanding & my manner was curt.

I need to apologize. The thought of leaving a trail of unkindness like that is so not the path I want to reflect. Not for you, not for me.

You are young man clearly working hard to build a future and you should be commended. Keep up your attitude of cheer & hope. Stay hopeful no matter what kind of people cross your path (or drive-thru). 🙂

Surely, God has good blessings in store.

You taught this ole lady something yesterday about kindness, compassion & staying humble.

Debbie

I thank you! God bless you today & all your todays.

Debbie, you mensch! You set an example for us all. We all have cranky moments. Debbie’s was so minor it did not even register on its victim. But she knew she had been rude, and that’s what matters — her discomfort with the fact that she’d not been her best self. Rather than tamp that knowledge down, as most of us do, and brush off her bad feelings about her conduct, she took action. The tip was not necessary; even handing over the letter was not necessary, since she happened to find Richardson working when she stopped by. The verbal apology would have been sufficient reparation. But it isn’t often we get to spotlight an apology that goes BEYOND what is required. Enjoy! Love you, Debbie! Thank you for sharing this, Justin, so we can all see how an apology can make people feel really good, and we can all strive to emulate Debbie!

People on Reddit are so SUSPICIOUS of nice things.

Editor’s Note (also Writer’s Note, because we are a shoestring operation): Snarly apologizes for being a careless reader/picture-looker. That is a $50! Thanks to all who pointed it out.

Posted in Accepting apologies, Good apologies, Personal Apologies | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Vermian Underhanded Daily Beast and Nico

still punchable

You may recall our dismay at one of the worst media “apologies” of the last year — The Daily Beast’s half-assed, defensive, self-aggrandizing responses to criticism of Nico Hines’s “story” about pretending to be gay to pick up Olympic athletes on Grindr during the 2016 Summer Games. Hines offered enough teasing detail about the athletes — some of whom came from countries where homosexuality is a crime, not all of whom were out of the closet — to make them identifiable. The Daily Beast defended the story long past defensibility — oh wait, it was never defensible — then apologized shittily.

Read a recap of the offense and the almost-as-offensive rejoinder(s) from the Beast here.

Nico never apologized. The Daily Beast ran no stories by him after the horrid gay-athlete-entrapment piece, but it also never announced that he had quit or was fired.

But now, Nico apparently “returns full-time” to the Daily Beast! (So he un-joined? partly? voluntarily? was there any penalty? was there conscious uncoupling? WHO CAN SAY?? ) The forever-together-and-never-apart-together-forever-we-two announcement comes in an editor’s note after a piece — published seven long, apology-free months after Nico’s entrapment piece ran/was pulled —  called “What I’ve Learned” (under the wee red words: “AN APOLOGY”)! By Nico!

I do not want The Daily Beast to get clicks for this mishegas, so I shall give you a screen shot of the apology and the note. Then we shall discuss why this apology and editor’s note still blow chunks EVEN AFTER WE GAVE THESE SCHMUCKS THE TEMPLATE FOR AN APOLOGY AND HELD UP ANOTHER MEDIA SITE AS A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR THEM AND ALSO POINTED OUT WHY THE APOLOGY OF A SMALL BOY WHO THREATENED A FRIEND WITH A BOOGER WAS BETTER THAN ANY OF THEIR APOLOGIES GOOD GOD DAILY BEAST HOW MUCH MORE CAN WE DO FOR YOU?????? Continue reading

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We asked you to work for free to protect your ego

The Next Web conference presents itself as a big huge deal. Founded in 2006, based in Amsterdam, it claims to be “an unmissable fixture in the European tech scene, bringing together a week of side events and a 2-day conference consisting of 7 Stages of content, 250 game-changing exhibitors and 5000 m² of business floor…”

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Luvvie Ajayi

But apparently it’s also a pathetic little shoestring operation cutting corners everywhere it can. Like on paying speakers.

They asked Luvvie Ajayai to speak. Ajayi’s a writer, speaker, and digital strategist. When The Next Web invited her to talk at their next conference she forwarded the request to her agent. The agent sent Ajay’s rates to The Next Web, who replied that they have “no budget to pay any of the speakers and everything they make goes back to production. They don’t offer travel. All they can offer is experience, audience and publicity.”

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