Dear Equinox: Stop Trying to Make #PreApology Happen

On Twitter yesterday, the Chief Marketing Officer of Equinox Gyms posted this:

preapologyCEO1 This wittiness is tied to Equinox’s new campaign, all tied to the notion of “preapology.” LET’S DISCUSS. (Me, I would hyphenate “pre-apology,” but I am a lowly apology-watcher, not a CMO. Wait! Unless I am the CMO of ApologyWatch, which I might be. Sumac, let’s lady-wrestle for the title. I preapologize for kicking your demure west coast ass.) Here is a taste of the campaign:

preaapologizephoto1 preapologizeheader

Way to sound like the bro-iest of workout emporia, Equinox.

Call me humorless, but don’t we already live in a world of individuals acting all faux-self-aware and faux-sorry about bad behavior? Now you want to take it to the next level and say you’re sorry in advance for your inevitable acting-like-an-entitled-schmuck-ness? Worse, the implication is that because you work out at Equinox and have a hot bod, you are entitled to this behavior. The world OWES YOU the right to scam off other people’s pools and throw bicycles in them and act like a general weenus. And in case we didn’t get the message of the photo and tagline, the tweets spell it out: “Don’t apologize for your actions this summer. #Preapologize and do it anyway.” (DO NOT GIVE THEM THE HASHTAG POTENCY DO NOT RETWEET I BEG YOU GIVE THIS TRACTION AT THE PERIL OF CIVILITY THANK YOU.)

OK, fine, I was was marginally amused by the quick back-and-forth between Seamless and Equinox:

seamlesstoequinox equinoxtoseamless “Brand banter.” We live in the end times.

In sum: I reject the notion of pre-apology. I pray that pre-apology is the new fetch. Do not snigger at the notion of doing bad, selfish things because you’ve faux-pologized in advance. It’s not cute. You are no Grace Hopper. It may be easier to ask forgiveness than permission, but it’s also douchier.

One small comfort: At least this campaign is better than the three earlier ones shot by Terry Richardson.

Preapology: At least it's PostRichardson!

Preapology: At least it’s PostRichardson!

I postapologize for inserting my person between your slender thighs and thrusting this camera in your face. It could be worse.

I postapologize for standing between your slender thighs and thrusting this camera in your face. It could be worse.

(Thanks for the tip, Ivan!)

This entry was posted in Bropology, Corporate Apologies, Fake apologies, Fashion Apologies, Twitpologies and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Dear Equinox: Stop Trying to Make #PreApology Happen

  1. Stephanie says:

    vomit.

  2. tanita says:

    The “we’re owed this” part of this campaign is the most egregiously offensive bit. Yes: you have Teh Thinness. Surely you’re meant to inherit the flippin’ EARTH. Whatever.

    When I see stuff like this I drag my niece – a third year Master’s Student in advertising – to it and say, “See this? DON’T DO THIS!” I’m trying to shove intellect and tact onto ONE person before she gets further into the industry, anyway.

  3. marjorie says:

    Thank you for your service, Tanita!

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