A non-apology song on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

As I have noted multiple times in one of my non-SorryWatch outlets, I am obsessed with Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, which you should be watching if you are not.

This past week, the show tackled the phenomenon in which you desperately want to apologize to someone you know you’ve wronged, but you just cannot because THEY WRONGED YOU TOO. This kind of pridefulness means the two of you stay apart, yearning for each other, in a yearning that is best expressed in the form of an ’80s-esque music video complete with random white-clad gymnast.

Needs more billowing curtains, though.

The SorryWatch-key lyrics:

I really wanna tell you that I’m sorry
And I really wanna tell you that I am the worst
And I just wanna say
I miss you every day
And I will…
But you go first
I mean this is almost entirely all my fault here
But you gotta admit it’s just a tiny bit your fault too
This is so all on me but still you kinda have to agree
That sometimes you can be really
Passive-aggressive!
Self-involved!
So go ahead and say you’re kind of sorry
So I can say “Oh no, no, please!”  just like I rehearsed
If you open the door
I’ll apologize so much more
Yes I will…
But you go first.

Why is it hard so hard to apologize first? Well, as we’ve noted before, apologizing means taking ownership of your own bad conduct. Knowing that you’ve done wrong feels crappy. So we turn somersaults to convince ourselves that we’re not actually at fault. We crave extenuating circumstances, excuses, reasons that the other person is guiltier than we are. We often refuse, as both Rachel and Paula do in the show, to take the first step. As social psychologists Carol Tavris and Eliot Aronson have said, “Most of us put an enormous amount of mental and physical energy into protecting ourselves and propping up our self-esteem when it sags under the realization that we have been foolish, gullible, mistaken, corrupted, or otherwise human.” Essentially, when it comes to apologizing, what this means is…you go first.

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