I’m swivel-eyed, but I’m not slimy.
(This is basic. To keep it brief, I’m omitting countless variations and dodges. And the part about maybe making it up to them.)
APOLOGIZE – Say “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.” Take responsibility. Talk about what you did, not just “what happened.” Avoid “if,” “regret,” and “it’s unfortunate.” Try “I shouldn’t have done that,” “That was rude of me,” or “It was wrong.”
TO THEM – Not just to the twitmosphere, but to the person harmed.
FOR WHAT YOU DID – Be specific. Not “hurting you” but, for example, “calling you a slimy swivel-eyed creep.”
ACKNOWLEDGE THE EFFECT – If you know it. “I embarrassed you by calling you a slimy swivel-eyed creep in front of everybody at our dinner table, and at the nearby tables.”
EXPLAIN, BUT DON’T EXCUSE – “I called you a slimy swivel-eyed creep to try to make you be quiet because I didn’t want to be thrown out before dessert came. I was a jerk.”
I’m slimy, but I wouldn’t call myself swivel-eyed.
STOP TALKING AND LET THEM HAVE THEIR SAY – “I wasn’t upset that you called me a slimy swivel-eyed creep. I was upset that you interrupted my song. It made me feel like you don’t respect me as an artist.”
Got it?
Apologize
To them
For what you did
Acknowledge the effect
Explain but don’t excuse
Let them have their say
It’s not complicated. You can do this!
I am slimy AND swivel-eyed & the ladies love my tune: “Itz Just That EZ (don’t roll ur ize @ me).
“…and the part about maybe making it up to them.”
Yes. Those Twelve Step people have the right idea, but sometimes – the more egregious the error, and the tardier the apology, the more “making it up” to me means getting out of my face and leaving me along about it.
What do you mean, do I have anyone specific in mind? Of course not.