Australia’s burning. It’s been incredibly dry, and now it’s incredibly hot. Huge bushfires are burning up big parts of the country. Thousands of people fled to beaches to get away from flames. The military is responding. The US and Canada are sending firefighting aircraft – and firefighters (often called fireys in Australia)

Photo: Helitak430. Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license.

Out-of-control bushfire approaches Yanderra. Residents being evacuated.

We won’t show you images of burned people. Burned koalas. But that’s happening. If you care about wildlife, if you care about animals of any kind, if you care about people – care about this.

The fires are this bad in part because of climate change heating things up and drying them out. Climate chaos is patchy. Some places get hit sooner than others.

But it’s also relevant that the ruling coalition in Australia are climate deniers. Big coal funds them. Rupert Murdoch supports them.

They’re all in harmony. But still things are burning, so many things. Awkward.

In December, Australia’s climate-denying Prime Minister Scott Morrison went on vacation with his family. It probably seemed like a good way to get away from GRIPING and perpetual SMOKE. But more awkwardness ensued.

Photo: Kristy Robinson/Commonwealth of Australia. https://www.pmc.gov.au/who-we-are/ministers Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International license.

He sang as he snorkeled and frolicked while his country boiled.

The Morrisons departed without fanfare. Reporters heard they’d gone to Hawaii, but his office denied it. REALLY NOT? Eventually the office said all right he’s in Hawaii, get over it. Morrison later said they only denied it because he was trying to give his daughters “a bit of a surprise.” WAY TO RUIN EVERYTHING, MEDIA. (Although one wonders if the aloha stuff hadn’t tipped the progeny off already. The leis. The poi.)

Australians got angry. They didn’t like the idea that while they were breathing smoke or running from flames or having their homes burn or FIGHTING FIRES, their prime minister was sporting in an island paradise. Keep in mind that firefighters in Australia are volunteers. Volunteers. They don’t get paid. They don’t get time off to go to Hawaii

Although Hawaii is also suffering heat waves caused by climate change, it’s nothing like what Australia’s been hit with.

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Holding the hose? Not Morrison.

Morrison defended himself from Hawaii, via talk radio. What difference would it make if he were in his burning homeland? “I don’t hold a hose, mate. I don’t sit in a control room.”

But people kept talking about leadership. LEADERSHIP. Whatever. So he apologized. ‘Apologized.’

Over the course of the past week I have been taking leave with my family. [FAMILY!] Our leave was brought forward due to the need to cancel our scheduled leave in January because of our official government visit [IMPORTANT HIGH-LEVEL STUFF I DO FOR YOU] to India and Japan at the invitation of PMs Modi and Abe. [MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU]

I deeply regret any offence caused to any of the many Australians affected by the terrible bushfires by my taking leave with my family at this time. [YOU SOREHEADS] I have been receiving regular updates on the bushfires disaster as well as the status of the search for and treatment of the victims of the White Island tragedy. [I WAS IN THE LOOP EVEN WHEN I DID THE HULA] The Commonwealth’s responsibilities have been well managed by the Acting Prime Minister, Minister Littleproud and Minister Payne. [EVERYTHING WAS UNDER CONTROL]

As noted, given the most recent tragic events, I will be returning to Sydney as soon as can be arranged. [HAPPY NOW?]

That’s a bad apology. He doesn’t actually say ‘I’m sorry.’ He’s just sad about the offence people took. Australia noticed.

Morrison also apologized after returning. Sort of:

I have obviously returned from leave and I know that has caused some great anxiety in Australia and Jenny [his wife, UNELECTED] and I acknowledge that. If you [US?] had your time over again and you had the benefit of hindsight then (you’d) have made different decisions.

I get it that people would have been upset to know that I was holidaying with my family while their families were under great stress. [YOU CAN TELL I GET IT BECAUSE I SAID ‘I GET IT’]

But I’m comforted by the fact that Australians would like me to be here, just simply so I can be here, alongside them as they’re going through this terrible time [OH HOW THEY LOVE ME] … and I apologise for that.

I’m sure Australians… understand that when you make a promise to your kids you try and keep it. [FAMILY!] But as prime minister you have other responsibilities. I accept that. I accept the criticism. [I’M NOBLE THAT WAY.]

People are still fleeing, suffering from, and actively fighting fires, and they’re still mad at Morrison. (On Twitter they’re calling him #ScottyfromMarketing, referring to his background in New Zealand’s tourism office.)

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Hydrating a koala? Not Morrison.

Firey (and novelist) Jennifer Mills, is angry because this should have been NO SURPRISE. “Like many volunteer firefighters, I am furious. Six months before the fires, and then again in September, Morrison declined to meet with a group of former fire chiefs who wanted to warn him that an emergency like this was on the horizon.”

Morrison’s trying to live it down. He went to the small town of Cobargo to be seen giving moral support. This was a couple of days after Cobargo’s main street burned up. After a man and his son died defending their home from flames.

Morrison tried to shake a firey’s hand (a volunteer, remember). “I don’t really want to shake your hand, mate,” said the firey. “Oh, well, nice to see you,” said Morrison. Later he spun it to an incident controller, “Tell that fella I’m really sorry, I’m sure he’s just tired.” Said the controller “No, no, he lost a house.”

Other residents remarked, “You’re an idiot, mate. You really are.” “You’re never getting any votes down here, buddy.” “You’re not welcome, you fuckwit.” Also they told him to piss off.

Photo: #G7Biarritz https://www.flickr.com/photos/whitehouse/48617647853/ Public domain.

“Good deal! It stays a ‘hoax” as long as we’re in office. Then, whatever. Let the kids handle it.”

Of this hostile reception, Morrison said, “I know when people get fearful or indeed angry, and they want to express that and if that means they want to get angry at me, then if that helps, by all means, I’ve got broad shoulders.” Aww. Having broad shoulders can mean taking responsibility – not happening here – or it can mean not being bothered by criticism and rebuke. Like a rubber ducky.

Is there a connection between Morrison’s lousy, evasive apologies, and his lousy, evasive behavior? One is just despicable. The other one is evil.

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Driving the truck? Not Morrison.

Morrison said there’d be no change to emissions policies, because things are fine. “I do not accept the suggestion that Australia is not carrying its weight. …We will take a responsible approach to taking action on climate change. We are taking action and we will continue to take action. We are carrying our weight. We are meeting and beating our target and there are very few countries who can say that.”

However, “meeting and beating our target” is a matter of clever climate accounting, using “carryover credits.” In fact, Australia’s emissions are rising. To say nothing of the coal, oil, and gas they export to other countries. The Guardian wrote, “Australia is responsible for 5% of global greenhouse gas emissions and could be contributing as much as 17% by 2030 if the pollution from its fossil fuel exports is factored in, research says.” Morrison and his cronies aren’t just doing this to Australia. They’re doing it to all of us. They’re doing it to you. Broad shoulders!

Image: Anthony Hearsey/Scrampy 123, on imgur.

Anthony Hearsey/Scrampy 123, on imgur. “This is a 3D visualization of the fires in Australia, NOT A PHOTO. Think of this as prettier looking graph. This is made from data from NASA’s FIRMS (Satellite data regarding fires) between 5/12/19 and 5/01/20. [Americans – this means from December 5th 2019 to January 5th 2020] These are all the areas that have been affected by bushfires. Scale is a little exaggerated due to the render’s glow, but generally true to the information from the NASA website. Also note that NOT all the areas are still burning, and this is a compilation.”

Morrison rejected the notion that the bushfires ravaging Australia have anything to do with emissions. He denies being a denier. “There is no argument, in my view, or the view of the government, and any government in the country, about the links between broader issues of global climate change and weather events around the world – but I’m sure people would equally acknowledge the direct connection to any single fire event is not a credible suggestion.”

SINGLE fire event?

There are more than a hundred fires burning now in NSW alone.

(Symbolic hat-tip to Wendy G.)

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